The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is Oprah even human
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize