it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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