Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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