I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
