I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
