i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
