Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
