My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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