My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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