I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize