u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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