For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
