The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
