mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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