after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
