I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
