i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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