The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
