I hate your face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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