I can text with my tongue
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
