i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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