Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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