Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
