in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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