i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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