i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
