Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
