Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
