she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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