You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
