Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
