just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
