well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just invented taco cereal.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize