she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
