someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
