I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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