i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
