I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
