you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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