Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
