Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if only i could text you this smell
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
