If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
