I want to make a zoo with you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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