im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
