And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
