shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
