so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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