i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
