the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
vagina is talking i cant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
