did you get engaged???
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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