The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
