Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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