I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize