if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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