We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
