Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry gentleman hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

just survived the first fart of the relationship.

Fav 15 4387 1160
share tweet
(985): View more from Louisiana

At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

Fav 32 5139 1417
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

Fav 23 5656 1396
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

Fav 4 4123 1432
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas

Fav 7 4382 1092
share tweet
(61): View more from Australia

Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

Fav 10 5016 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(760): View more from California

Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

Fav 10 2563 974
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.

Fav 2 721 490
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.

Fav 0 60 12
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT