Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
