How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize