Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize