Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am naked and annoyed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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