If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
