His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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