i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
