Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
