i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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