I didn't shave. On purpose
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
