i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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