i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
