Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize