Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He passed out mid-signature
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
