And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
