Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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