Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
