And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
